I had physical therapy this morning. My PT therapist told me there are so many advantages to the wheelchair she ordered for me. I can keep going after my legs collapse, get to the top of my yard sometimes, go to the store even when I'm tired - oh yeah ...
I learned tonite what it means to an important relationship to not be able to communicate, to communicate innapropriately and then get mad at yourself for doing so. This is really hard. It's making me think there is no point in even trying to talk. Nothing really is understood well. And it just makes me really sad. Really, really sad.
We also talked, the day after my latest MRI, about my diagnosis - and my absent doctor, who is also, I've learned, the absent doctor for many in my area who have a diagnosis of MS. Yesterday, a nurse from Shared Solutions, the company who manages all medications for MS, stated that what I am going through right now indicates an exacerbation of MS and likely should be treated with steroids. I didn't get steroid therapy for the last or any previous possible exacerbation, why would I expect it for this one?
My PT therapist and I also talked about my fear of another diagnosis - one that only my neuro at Hopkins would find. If my MRI yesterday does not show lesions, I am very confident and afraid that the diagnosis will be ALS. And, already, I've gotten myself isolated because of language difficulty.
Not a good night....
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