Journal

So, my idea is to journal every day - anything significant or that bothers me or makes me happy.

Today is September 28, 2012

I took my copaxone shot today.
I had done a little research that showed copaxone to be just as effective (only 30% at best) taken every other day, as it is every day. I have intense burning pain from these shots, made worse by moving the area of the shot. So I stay put - for at least 20-30 minutes and try to think about something else. I am much happier doing this every other day. Besides, I'm not convinced I have MS, and neither is the neuro at Hopkins - so if this stuff is doing any damage, at least I can hopefully cut that in half.

Today was a PT day and evaluation.
I have been pushed pretty hard in PT the last several weeks. Today was session 14 of 30. I've found that I need to rest - seriously cannot walk hardly at all - after these sessions. Otherwise, my leg collapses. My therapist just nods as I explain this to her stating, we are working very hard and your legs are very weak, you must rest. So, okay - two days a week - I'm on the couch all day after a 45 minute to 1 hour workout that consists of very small movements to strengthen my legs and core. Thank goodness I can crochet.

Ah - I'm making holiday gifts. I can be happy with this - but not the spread of my ass from all the sitting :( The first month or two after this attack (May, June) I could not crochet - my fingers couldn't remember how to do it at first - then became so tired, all I could do was make the beginning chain - trying to do anymore resulted in an absolute mess.

I had a nap already, right after PT and likely will need another. I can't even begin to explain what this fatigue is like. Trying to ignore or push past it is futile - that is when the legs stop working, the fingers stop working, and the mind stops working.

I've already started talking gibberish today. It is so frustrating. I am trying to tell my husband our daughter just texted us a message, and all that is coming out is goladomatmilahahadodaaaaaasotogalamatusu - very fast - long strings of - what the hell did she just say? Every time I open my mouth - there it is - I don't know what I'm saying, but it's not what I'm thinking. I can write - I can type - I can't talk.