2012 . 09 . 29

All I wanted to do this morning is sleep. I don't feel 'right' around my middle - I think it's the muscles around my stomach, hips, and lower back. I'm certain this is from PT yesterday - holding all these muscles as tight as possible to try and keep my balance. Well, there is no balance really, it's more like surfing with an invisible board, arms out, dipping this way and that, trying not to touch the bar on either side. Couple that with the exercises aimed at building the core muscles - I think this is what happened.

But, I don't get that nice, healthy burn of freshly worked muscles that I used to. I actually liked that kind of pain - makes you feel alive. Now, if I 'overwork' muscles (which is to say, barely work), they quiver with this very sick kind of feeling that edges on cramping helplessly. It's hard to explain the vague feelings and little wonder why it's so hard to diagnose, but YOU know it's just not right.

Some doctors tell me to keep going - other doctors tell me just rest - my PT therapist says just move at least 15 minutes a day, then rest.

From experience over the last five months (wow, have I been down THAT long? :(   I have learned that I have a limited amount of energy. The energy bank is usually replenished after a mediocre night's sleep. I have 3-4 hours on an average day to do the things I want to do that involve walking, bending, or any kind of concentrated mind work, like paying bills. After this, whether I lie down, take a nap, pop all the vitamins I have, I start wearing down. If I stick to 15-30 minutes of activity during this time, I might actually be able to do another 15-30 minutes in the afternoon as long as I do something quiet pretty much the rest of the day.

Getting the food from the garden put away required no less than 2 hours of seriously difficult activity. I would do as much as possible sitting on a stool in the kitchen and we have purchased several small gadgets to make the food preparation easier, not the least of which is a VitaMix. I love to cook and I love to make a good healthful dinner. I gauge my day by wether I can accomplish this. Some days, it means spending 20 min cutting the vegetables in the morning, 15 min getting grains or beans ready at lunchtime, then putting it together at dinner time. I manage this maybe 2 to 3 times a week. That makes me happy.

Not leaving the house today. I'd rate the pain today at a 6. I did take an aspirin to see if it might help with the sick feeling in my muscles - it did not. I have Neurontin that did help me for the 3 or 4 weeks I took it, but after strange hives and facial swelling, my doc agreed maybe it's not right for me. She did say I can try it again and see how it goes. I might because it did help the burning in my legs, feet, and fingers. It was awfully hard going off of something that was helping.

Not talking well right from the start today. More stammering because I can't find my words. I understand this - the words just don't connect, or I forget what I was saying. The gibberish hasn't started yet today, and this I just don't understand.

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This afternoon, I started crying out of nowhere. I was not sad, just participating in a group discussion about crocheting. About 5-10 minutes before this, I had pretty bad tremors - both arms and head. It came on suddenly and went away almost as quickly, lasting about three minutes. Since this episode, I cannot comprehend my crochet patterns again. I'd been working making holiday gifts all day - now every stitch looks like I never crocheted before and I'm not able to follow the pattern. Now I really could cry.