2012 . 09 . 30

I woke up at 3:00 a.m. this morning - let the dogs out, went back to bed. Five minutes later, hubby got up - let the dogs out, didn't come back to bed. So I got up too. We watched some bad late night TV, then decided to go to breakfast :-) We got dressed and headed out under a full moon for our first meal of the day.

When we got home, I did my Copaxone injection, hit a muscle (OUCH!) and promptly fell asleep. Early morning naps might just be a regular event. I'm not feeling too bad since waking up. I'm taking advantage of this! My mind isn't comprehending my crochet patterns yet. I'm not going to worry about it. One project is an afghan that is single crochet for 52 rows per square. I can handle that one.

I realized yesterday that part of what is depressing me is feeling like I'm not getting anything done. I think what is happening is that my brain can still think of all the things I 'could' do, or need to do, but it isn't able to prioritize what should be done or even decide what I'd 'like' to do. As a result, I have this big cloud of possibilities in there and it's very hard to get them out - so I only do what is in front of me: the dogs need to eat, we need to eat, I have to wash clothes if I want to wear them. Even some of those things get lost in the mist.

So, I think it's really important to record somewhere every time I think of one of these things. I started entering them on my calendar on the computer because it can even alert me of tasks even if I've likely forgotten them. Of course, then it still depends on having the energy to do them. My list wasn't large by most people's standards today, but I know I will not be able to do everything. Today was do laundry, make a loaf of bread, make a salad and dressing for dinner, harvest spinach and freeze. Spinach can wait - laundry is almost done - hubby said he'd buy bread and salad dressing. If I can pick and wash everything for the salad, I need to feel accomplished then. And, anything I find that needs done and I have the energy to do til I crash tonite is a bonus. I really can't explain the energy drain. Imagine you walked around all day long with a wet, heavy blanket over your head, and 50 lb weights on your legs.

Still there is this fog over me that I haven't been able to shake since April. It's hard to explain, but it really takes enjoyment out of a lot of the day, even if I'm doing something I really liked to do.